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User blog:DancePowderer/720 Abridged
Cover: Boo! Gatz: I'm reiterating what both audience and readers already know about who gets to challenge the Donquixote Family in order to kill time due to the last battle wrecking the arena like a drunk uncle at a sweet 16. So I'm supposed to talk until the new floor gets here. Cavendish: Prey, where can I find thee? Aha! Luffy: Ok, I got two things wrong with this. Number 1, you didn't count to 100. And number second, you didn't say "ready or not, here I come!" Cavendish: Stabby stabby stabby! Luffy: Clap! Random guy: The homicidal flake is at it again. Poor bastard: He's so crazy, he thinks Straw Hat Luffy is competing! That weak motherfucker ain't shit compared to me. Anybody can not save somebody during a war, yet this asshole struts around like he's hot shit! Bartolomeo: Asshole, meet wall. Wall, asshole. Poor bastard: Don't you know who I am? I'm royalty! Bartolomeo: Did you not see my fight? Do you think I give two shits and a hand cart about whether or not you're royalty? Maiming royalty is almost becoming a habit for me. Crap, I better quit soon before this pattern gets me into trouble. Anyway, you were talking a lot of smack a second ago, then I smacked you into the wall! I'm only going to say this once. Straw Hat Luffy is the main character. Like it or not, shit's gonna be about him mostly winning. I've come to accept and even obsessively admire that about him. Talk smack about him again and see what happens. Wanna know what this knife tastes like? Random guy: Yay! More senseless homicide! Cavendish: Hey, knock it off! I got stuff to do. Let go! Luffy: I'm tired, and it's time I flip out. Random guy: Screw how we get close, who'd want to get close to that? Bartolomeo: If I get next to him right now, I just might know what excellence smells like! Hm, I seem to have such a high blood lust to kill the flake that I can't seem to form words. I think I'll call him Cavenbitch from now on. Sai: Straw Hat! You gotta sec. Pinhead wants to tell you something! Luffy: I'm a little busy at the moment! Chinjao: Look what I can do! Luffy: Running running running! Why does everyone want to kill me! One guy I never met until today, and the other guy I just beat! Bartolomeo: I just felt the backdraft created when he ran buy. I'll never wash again! Cavendish: Hey, I'm not done trying to kill you yet so get back here! Chinjao: Shit, I forgot to mention the part where I'm giving him control over an entire fleet of pirate ships. Damn! Luffy: I understand everyone wanting to fight, but sheesh! Rebecca: This way. I definitely don't want to kill you! Luffy: Finally, someone who is absolutely in no way going to try to kill me. Burgess: So yeah, and I was like, omg, that's just like Shiliew, wtf? Like, why would we trust a former admiral? Like, oh my God! You will never guess who just walked in. Straw Hat Luffy! Hey, hey, say hi to the captain. It'll be like, totes hilarious. Blackbeard: Straw Hat, what do you think of my new beard? I know what you're thinking, first Maynard shows up, and then you see me with a beard similar to the real life guy. Shit's getting historical! Luffy: Oh, it's you. Blackbeard: It's so weird that you're here. It's like, we both want Ace's powers. I wanted him to join way back when, and he was all like no. Then I captured him and you know that song and dance goes. So having this power is almost like having him join! I love vicariousness! Luffy: Your little gang is already a bunch of flamos, you don't need the fruit to solidify it. Burgess: ROFLMAO! Rebecca: They seemed nice. Luffy: After what I've seen, that would pass for nice around here. Free samples! Rebecca: I guess I'm buying. Luffy: Hm, a lunch date where the girl buys. It seems normal after all the other weird stuff that's gone on. Thanks, toots. Rebecca: It's the least I can do. Welcome to the gladiator quarters. They have a prison motif. I bet you didn't know I have eyes you can get lost in. Your match was incredible, I had no idea you were capable of shit like that. Luffy: Oh great, another crazy fan. Gladiator: We got him! We're such big fans we just wanted to give you a hug! Hey Rebecca, didn't you say you were going to rid of this fan obsession? Do it! Luffy: Really? You do realize the more straight forward the killing method the more likely I am to escape it unharmed right? Watch. Rebecca: Rrggg! Luffy: Chomp, slam, side step, upsy daisy, notice I'm still eating amidst all this and haven't spilled any. Plant my feet and dunzo. Now, we're just going to sit here, you on the floor, me on your stomach, while I finish this delicious lunch. Gladiator: Shit, that was the main protagonist? Wow, we had no chance to begin with. Rebecca: Ok, you won. Do what you will, just be gentle! Luffy: Huh? Rebecca: You have a scantily glad girl who just tried to kill you pinned down by her entire upper body! What do you think I mean! Luffy: Oh, that. I have a strict nothing naughty on the first date rule. Also, a wise man once told me not to bite the hand that feeds you, or in this case, fart on her stomach. Gladiator: Damn, first she gets beat, then he forgives her. Girl, you better start kissing his boots right now, because he could kick your ass if he felt like it. Luffy: So why are you here? Gladiator: We're here to indicate that one of the major themes of this arc is extreme contrast between light and dark. We're also here to tell you that ten years ago, the colosseum battles weren't to the death. Rebecca: I need the fruit so my solja boy toy doesn't get himself killed. He's the heroic type and a character of upper mid-level importance, and a toy, so naturally there's a high risk of death. I'm trying that new empowerment stuff, so I want to protect him now. Category:Blog posts Category:Blog posts